Behold this silly photo: This is the smallest size that the Juliet Toys Doral is available in. Can you believe?! The SMALLEST SIZE!! I had to triple-fact-check that just now, but it’s true: size S has about 7″ of insertable length, and its widest diameter (toward the base of the shaft) is nearly 2.5″.
In other words, not only have I never fucked a human dick as big as the “small” Doral – I’ve never even seen a human dick this big in-person. So you can understand why, when I first took it out of its packaging, I laughed out loud for about a minute, and then started looking around for the lube. (That’s a joke; I’m never more than two feet away from a bottle of Sutil… 😂) The other sizes of the Doral range from M through XXXL, and boy oh boy, am I ever glad I went with the small!
I think folks who fetishize big dicks would really enjoy this toy. Visually and sensation-wise, it’s pretty realistic, with its lightly veined and ribbed texture, lovely coronal ridge, and foreskin-like bunching just below that. For me, it definitely pairs well with fantasies about getting railed.
On that note, I like the size more than I was expecting to. It’s not an everyday desire for me, certainly, but that sliiiightly-painful stretching sensation from supersized penetration is sometimes kinda hot in a masochistic way. Just please make sure to use enough (water-based) lube with big toys, babes!
Speaking of lube, this toy is made of silicone that feels silky to the touch, rather than draggy. When properly lubed, it gets super slick, and slides in and out without much friction – which is especially important with big, heavy dildos like this, where any added resistance can tire out your arms and hands quickly when you’re thrusting the toy manually. My arm and hand still got a bit tired after using the Doral, but it was more because of the weird shape of the base (of which more below).
The wide suction-cup base will be appreciated by users who like to use toys hands-free on hard, flat surfaces (like a tiled floor, shower wall, or mirror), and it works decently well, despite this chonky toy’s weight (1.16 lbs).
Orgasms with this toy inside me are really intense and satisfying, because of how filling and squishy it is. (As ever, I pair it with a clit vibe to get there.) It’s unusual that I surprise myself with how loud my moans are, but that’s what happened with the Doral.
As discussed in yesterday’s review, Juliet Toys has done some stuff that could be charitably described as yikes-o-rama: they’ve copied designs from other sex toy companies (including some small indie makers), posted content that featured animal abuse, and sent legal threats to some people who called them out on this stuff (thanks to Vulpes for the info). I find all of this gross and indefensible, and am only continuing with these review assignments because of contractual obligation + financial need. ☹️
Wish it was available in more than one skin tone – and that its white skin tone was not referred to simply as “flesh”! Again: yikes!
The Doral doesn’t exactly target any erogenous zones; it’s more of a ‘battering ram’ type of toy – which is a lot of people’s jam, for sure! But I can’t get it deep enough into me to hit my A-spot, unfortunately, because its thick head just bumps into my cervix when I try. Its coronal ridge kinda strokes my G-spot, but not with the degree of intensity I’d need to squirt or have a blended orgasm. So, while coming on this toy feels good, the journey toward orgasm is often more tiresome than pleasurable for me, and I mainly focus on clit stimulation to get off.
The tube-lookin’ thing that runs along the underside of the penis, sometimes known as the corpus spongiosum, is one of many cock features that I find sexy… but it’s too pronounced for my tastes on this particular dildo! My posterior vaginal wall (the one closest to the butt) isn’t very sexually sensitive and doesn’t like much pressure; your mileage may vary.
The Doral is very prone to rotating around inside me during use, as there’s no visual marker on the base to help you keep it oriented correctly. You can sort of refer to the veins on the shaft for this, but they’re not perfectly centered.
The suction-cup base is thinner/flimsier than it should be, especially for a dildo of this size/weight. It often becomes uncomfortable to hold and thrust with after a few minutes.
As is common for dildos with ridgy foreskins, this one is a bit tricky to clean without a scrub brush, old toothbrush, etc.
Final thoughts
The Juliet Toys Doral is a decent big dick, as far as big dicks go… but there are other big dicks in the sea, including some by indie makers who create their own original designs. As is, I find it hard to recommend this toy, due to its makers’ shoddy ethics, plus the physical flaws mentioned above… and in the world of sex toys, as in life, even the best dick in the world isn’t worth putting up with bullshit for.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
I’ve never sexually fantasized about humanoid reptile-like creatures, but I can sort of see the appeal. When depicted in media, usually they sensually hiss all their dialogue, emanate a charismatically evil aura, and are confusingly attractive. On top of all that, some slang terms for a penis include “trouser snake,” “one-eyed snake,” and “anaconda” – and a person who’s skilled at pleasuring cocks is sometimes known as a “snake charmer.” (I prefer “penis genius,” personally.) There’s even a whole subgenre of porn featuring people who’ve had their tongues split, which opens up new oral pleasure possibilities – and also suggests that plenty of folks are turned on by that serpentine aesthetic.
No doubt the threat of venom is part of these creatures’ erotic appeal, too. Many of us humans love a spicy dash of danger whipped into our sex smoothie, hence the proliferation of kinks like consensual non-consent and fear play – so it makes sense to me that some of us would eroticize, in fantasy, the fear that we are fucking someone who could literally poison us to death at any time if they wanted to. It’s similar to the tension at the heart of the Twilight series, which, poorly written though it may be, clearly reflected many people’s deeply-held fantasies or it wouldn’t have become so popular; in that story, a sexy vampire fights against his natural desire to drink blood, specifically the blood of the woman he is in love with. I wouldn’t want that to be my reality, but in fantasy at least, it can be hot to know that someone has the power to hurt you, and is choosing not to… yet.
All this has been on my mind lately because I’ve been testing out the Serpent King dildo from fantasy sex toy company Juliet Toys. I’m not sure that there’s anything especially serpentine about it besides the name, but whatever! Let’s talk about it.
Specs & size
As with many dildos on the Juliet Toys website, this one is available in multiple different sizes. I went with the small size, because I’m not feeling particularly vaginally ambitious lately – it’s got 4.7″ of insertable length and its widest diameter is 1.8″. The other sizes available range from 6″ x 2.2″ all the way up to 8.3″ x 3″.
This dildo is only available in one firmness, and I’d describe it as medium to medium-soft – I can bend the dildo fully in half with a bit of effort, but it’s firm enough that I can insert it into my vag or butt easily enough without it flopping around.
The coronal ridge and veiny texture are nice, and not too overwhelming like these types of textures sometimes can be, because the Serpent King’s silicone is relatively squishy. I find it most stimulating when I thrust it fast, whether it’s massaging my vaginal or anal walls – I tried both, and both holes were pleasantly surprised! Thrusted more slowly, though, it feels a lot subtler.
I like that the small size is actually small. As I mentioned, my vag has been somewhat averse to larger penetration lately, and it’s surprisingly rare to find a fantasy dildo that isn’t massive.
The silicone’s squishiness, while not ideal for G-spot or prostate stimulation (see below), lent a pleasant stress-ball-like effect to my orgasms as my vag rhythmically squeezed it. As per usual with this type of dildo, I found that it felt good during orgasm for this reason, but didn’t contribute much to my journey toward orgasm because it wasn’t stimulating particular erogenous zones.
I always appreciate a dildo with balls, particularly since they are often easier to hold than standard dildo bases, even with my chronically sore hands, and they also help me keep the dildo oriented correctly inside me instead of rotating sideways during use. Also, the squishiness of this silicone formulation feels realistically balls-like in a fun way. (I guess I like balls, huh?)
It only costs $49.90, making it a potentially budget-friendly pick.
Unfortunately, Juliet Toys is not an ethical company (details here, with thanks to Vulpes, who kindly brought this to my attention). They sell a number of designs that appear to be copied from other companies including some small/indie makers, they have posted content featuring animal abuse (!!), and have sent legal threats to some people who have pointed out these issues. I find all of this behavior abhorrent and truly wish I was in a financial position right now to be able to cancel/decline these review assignments for this reason. I would recommend – for dildos in general but especially for fantasy dildos – that you buy from indie makers who design their own products and don’t rely on plagiarism and legal threats to stay afloat; some that I can recommend include Funkit Toys, Hole Punch Toys, Geeky Sex Toys, and Uberrime, but there are tons more out there.
While the Serpent King is repeatedly described by Juliet Toys as a curved dildo that can hit the G-spot or prostate, in practice I find that its curve is far too mild and its silicone is far too squishy for that to be effective, at least in this small size (although I think the effect would be similar in larger sizes too). It brushes past my G-spot on each stroke, sure, but the bulk of the stimulation is just the textured surface against my vaginal walls in general; it doesn’t have the chutzpah to apply actual pressure to my G-spot, which is what that spot tends to want.
Here’s a complaint I’ve never had about a sex toy before: The pee-hole (urethra? can a dildo have a urethra? idk!!) is weirdly deep, which makes it a bit tricky to clean. I suppose this is supposed to look reptilian or something?
Final thoughts
While I think the veiny design of the Serpent King is intricate and enjoyable (albeit probably plagiarized from another sex toy company), I can’t recommend in good faith that you shop at Juliet Toys, for the ethical reasons discussed above. *sigh*
I also just think there are plenty of better dildos out there, dildos that target the G-spot or prostate better – with a bang, not a slither.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Every time I review a sex toy, I start by reading its instruction manual cover-to-cover – and one of the funniest parts of the manual is often the verbs that the sex toy company has chosen to express what its toy’s various functions do. I’ve seen everything from “slapping” to “squeezing” to “tickling”… and in this way, the XReverie Rilva rabbit vibrator stood out from the crowd, because it offers “digging” and “swelling.” What the hell does that mean? Let’s find out together, shall we?!
Like most rabbit vibrators, this one has an internal arm that’s meant to be used vaginally, and an external arm that’s meant to be used clitorally.
In this case, the internal arm has a couple of different functions:
The tip of the shaft strokes up and down in a “come hither” motion meant to stimulate the A-spot. (Yes, they specifically reference the A-spot in their product copy! Yay, more A-spot awareness!) Identified by XReverie as “digging,” I would moreso call this “stroking” or “massaging.”
The middle of the shaft rhythmically undulates, expanding and contracting, or as XReverie calls it, “swelling.” It’s meant to stimulate the G-spot, and in practice, I’d say it feels more like light tapping against that area.
The external/clitoral arm of the toy is more straightforward – it just vibrates – but its shape is non-standard for a rabbit; it reminds me of a seal balancing a ball on its nose.
The Rilva is made of silicone and ABS plastic, and it currently retails for $54.99 USD. It lasts about 50 minutes on a 90-minute charge.
I’m always thrilled to see new toys coming out that target the A-spot specifically, and this one does a decent job of it! The tip of its shaft feels very similar to a partner stroking my spot with one or two fingers – which is my jam, man, as practically anyone I’ve ever fucked could tell you. There are 3 steady stroking speeds followed by some more erratic patterns; I liked that the steady speeds started relatively slow, instead of jackhammery (I often find myself saying “Slower, please!!” when partners are fingerbanging me). It’s a stroking motion, not a thrusting motion, but the sensation reminded me a lot of Fun Factory Stronic toys (RIP), in the way it hit my spot rhythmically again and again.
I dig that the internal and external arm can be controlled separately from one another, each with their own button. You can also pause one of the arms by double-clicking its button, if (for example) the clitoral vibrations start to overwhelm you and you want to focus on internal sensations for a while.
The Rilva comes with a lovely velvety storage bag… which is especially important because its soft matte silicone is very prone to picking up lint/dirt/etc.
It’s IPX6 water-resistant, meaning you can wash it in the sink or take it in the shower, but shouldn’t submerge it.
Unfortunately the biggest issue with this toy is that its stroking function slows down under pressure. Even just the minor vaginal squeezing I do during mild-to-moderate arousal was enough to hinder its motion significantly – which was a bummer, because the stroking felt amazing until then! IMO, if you’re designing a toy for vaginal use, it should be able to withstand some basic Kegel flexing without buckling under the pressure.
The shaft of the toy also starts to overheat after a few minutes, especially if you’re putting extra pressure on the motor, by, uh, [checks notes] becoming sexually aroused while it’s inside you. It never got hot enough to hurt me or anything, but it was still unsettling.
The clitoral arm is fairly useless for me: its vibrations are irritatingly buzzy (albeit surprisingly strong, especially on the high end) and its shape inevitably focuses those vibrations onto the hypersensitive tip of my clit, rather than the clitoral shaft or hood. Some people would enjoy this laser-focused intensity, but I sure ain’t one of ’em.
I don’t know why soooo many toys I’m reviewing here lately have had 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns, but I’m tired of it!! Give us more steady speeds and fewer patterns!! Both the internal and external arms of the Rilva have this issue.
I can’t even really comment on the part of the shaft that “swells” against the G-spot, because I barely felt it. It’s inventive, though!
The Rilva is kinda loud, although that’s normal with mechanical stroking toys like this one.
Final thoughts
Wish I liked this toy more, but alas, the XReverie Rilka rabbit vibe has some significant mechanical issues, including its tendency to slow down under any pressure, its troubling habit of overheating, and its gratingly buzzy motor.
But I hope more sex toy companies (including XReverie!) keep making A-spot-focused toys, because this spot deserves more love. As in, the kind of love that doesn’t slow to a crawl the minute you get turned on.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
As I strolled back home from a great comedy show last night, I had a spring in my step. I’d just shared some laughs with pals, the weather was beautiful, and I had a date with a sex doll.
This date was a long time coming. I’ve collaborated with sex doll company Tantaly on a number of reviews before, but I’ve always outsourced the testing, because the brand always wanted to highlight their most popular products: dolls with tits and a pussy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate tits and a pussy as much as the next bisexual – but I don’t have the anatomy required to actually fuck that type of doll, which is, of course, the expected usage of a fuck-doll.
In the course of doing those Tantaly reviews, I’ve managed to hook up three penis-possessing people in my life with a free sex doll, in exchange for letting me pick their brain about the experience for my review (or in one case, the person actually wrote the review himself – you should read it, it’s hilarious!). But sex dolls are the type of product that you typically wouldn’t want or need multiples of, especially if you live in a small apartment – so none of my testers were willing to test another doll, and there wasn’t really anyone else who I’d trust enough to give this responsibility to. (It might sound odd to describe sticking your dick in something as a “responsibility,” but my reputation and income would legitimately be on the line if a tester ghosted me after receiving their doll, so I have to be choosy about them!)
All this to say: When Tantaly reached out again recently to ask about another collab, I told them that at this point, I’d only be able to review a doll if I could test it myself… which meant it would have to be a doll with a dick. And guess what? They sent me one. His name is Mark. He’s actually lying in my bed right now as I write this. He’d probably be smoking a post-coital cigarette, if not for the fact that he has no head. Let me tell you about our date night!
Specs ‘n’ stuff
I want to get the technical shit out of the way up top, because frankly it feels weird to write about this doll like it’s just another sex toy, even though it literally is. But damn, it’s eerily humanoid. I mean, I know that’s the point, but I was really thrown by how much my brain wanted to categorize the doll as a person immediately. I full-body cringed from uncanny-valley weirdness when I unboxed Mark and looked at him lying there, so lifeless and subdued – except for his perpetually raging hard-on, which arched up out of his styrofoam coffin like a phoenix rising from the ashes – and yet so lifelike. I kept saying “Excuse me, sir” as I (wo)manhandled him into different positions, the same way I sometimes catch myself saying “Please” and “Thank you” to Siri. (You can take the girl out of Canada, but…)
The Mark doll is lifelike but not exactly life-sized; even accounting for its lack of a head/arms/legs, it’s still proportionately maybe two-thirds the size of your average dude. It’s 23.5″ tall, from its cut-off neck to the bottom of its cut-off thighs. But I would say that the doll’s most impactful measurement is actually its weight, because hoo boy is this thing ever heavy (33.7 lbs). To be fair, I have a chronic illness that impacts muscle strength, and I’m also just an out-of-shape weakling, but weight is a frequent complaint about sex dolls in general, even for people with actual muscle. These dolls do require a certain amount of heft so they can stay anchored in place when you’re fucking them/riding them – and they do that very well! – but I found it challenging to move the doll around at all. In fact, after coming, I was so tired that I barely managed to shove the doll over in bed so I could fall asleep beside him (and yes, it was a bit of a jump-scare waking up next to a headless man the next morning).
The Mark comes with a storage case, which has straps to make it easier to carry around – nice touch! There’s even a zippered pocket on the outside which is very roomy – you could easily fit a Magic Wand Rechargeable, big dildo, and full-size bottle of lube in there, no problem, with room left over for condoms or cock rings or whatever else you’re bringing to the hypothetical sex doll orgy you’re apparently jetsetting to in this scenario.
Except for its metal frame structure, the entire doll is made of TPE (thermoplastic elastomer), which has some big pros and some big cons that I’ll get into below. This doll costs $400 USD or $500 CAD. In addition to its lovely dick, it also has a fuckable ass with a textured interior; the doll comes with a moisture-absorbing stick to help speed up the drying process after you wash his butt out (what a phrase!), but as mentioned, I don’t have a dick with which to penetrate this thing, so I didn’t test out its butt beyond giving it a little slap or two, ’cause, y’know, when in Rome…
Too real, man
I’d never personally unboxed a torso before. I’d seen other people unbox them, in videos and on FaceTime calls, but it’s an odd experience to actually do it yourself. I was laughing, cringing and squealing as I lifted Mark out of the little styrofoam bed he came in – because he looked and felt somehow both very real and not real at all.
Certainly his physique doesn’t resemble many that I’ve seen in the wild, but the texture and appearance of his skin is quite lifelike, if a bit unnaturally cold to the touch. (Just imagine you’re fucking one of the Twilight vampires, it’s fine.) One nice thing about TPE is that it can indeed feel impressively skin-like on the surface – but this TPE formulation feels oddly soft for this particular application. Truly not trying to body-shame here, only to doll-shame, but in my limited experience touching super-muscly bodies like Mark‘s, they are quite a bit firmer than this. It’s especially strange in the chest region; I’m used to being able to leverage some of my weight against someone’s chest as I ride them, but my fist sinks into Mark like memory foam, which was a tad bit unsettling mid-bang.
But overall, it was an interesting experience for me psychologically to get my hands all over this doll, objectifying him, flipping him over, touching his junk, etc. It made me really aware of how inhibited I feel when touching human partners – there’s the constant anxiety, however low-level, that I might do a bad job, hurt them somehow, or look like I don’t know what I’m doing. I didn’t have to worry about any of that with the doll, so I was able to follow my in-the-moment desires without hesitation, tweaking a nipple here, smacking some balls there, running a palm along Mark‘s rubbery six-pack, and just basically being an unabashed perv. This ultra-toned body type isn’t what I’m usually drawn to – if Tantaly ever makes a sex doll with a lanky nerd bod or a cuddly dad bod, I’m so there – but I enjoyed the way it encouraged me to foreground my desires and my “female gaze,” like a Magic Mike movie.
Does yr girl know how to shoot a cock portrait or what?
Cock ‘n’ balls
Shout-out to those of you who scrolled down to this section immediately; I see you 😉
As you might imagine, this doll’s dick is spectacular, at least visually. (My wife didn’t think so, though; she took one look at it and immediately said, “What a weird dick! And the rest of him just looks like a woman!” – which I hadn’t really considered, but I guess Mark‘s pecs, nipples, and hourglassy shape have a certain Greek-statue-esque androgyny to them that probably makes this an especially suitable doll for me, a noted bisexual…)
But let’s get down to brass tacks: cock measurements. The insertable length is slightly over 6″, while its widest circumference is 5.75″, which works out to a diameter of about 1.8″. (And yes, I reflexively apologized to him out loud as I held a tape measure to his dick.)
Tantaly has done something similar here to what companies like Vixen Creations and Tantus do with dual-density silicone: this cock has a firm core, with a squishier outer layer on top, to create a realistically boner-like feeling. But in Mark‘s case, the firm core is part of the doll’s metal frame structure, and the outer layer is the same soft TPE that the rest of the doll is made out of.
And therein lies the rub (and tug): TPE is not the right material for this dick (or for any dick, frankly). It should be made out of silicone instead (like that of the Tantaly Mark Pro doll, of which more below). TPE is porous, meaning it clings onto some amount of bacteria no matter how well you wash it. So, while I really enjoyed sucking Mark’s cock for a while (after taking a damp washcloth to it, to wipe away any bitter chemicals remaining from the production process), I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so anymore after he’d been used a few times, because the thought of the bacteria would gross me out. I likewise wouldn’t be able to sanitize his dick if, for instance, I wanted to use it anally and then vaginally, or wanted to share it with a partner I’m not fluid-bonded with, or wanted to avoid re-infecting myself after a bout of BV. I could put a new condom on it every time, sure, but it’d be annoying to have to do that, especially with such an expensive toy.
There’s another reason I wish Mark’s dick wasn’t made of TPE: it’s too soft! Now, look, this is a body-positive blog, and I certainly don’t mean to boner-shame… but in real life, if someone is having erectile difficulties, we can just switch to activities that don’t require a hard-on. This doll has no such capacity – he has no tongue, no fingers, no purple vibrating strap-on – and so, let’s face it, his dick is what he brings to the table. As such, it surprised me that his cock is so soft and squishy that it’s actually difficult to get it inside me, in a way that reminds me of that old Rodney Dangerfield joke about “shooting pool with a rope.”
I also just… couldn’t feel his dick very strongly as I was riding it, despite its moderate size, A-spotty curve, and firm core. I wanted to feel well-and-truly fucked, but it felt more like my insides were being gently massaged – nice, sure, but not orgasmic. I ended up nudging the doll aside in bed so I could lie down and get myself off “the old-fashioned way,” i.e. with a dildo and vibe. (I have, of course, linked to the actual toys I actually used, because I know I would be curious about that if I was reading this!)
All hope is not lost, however: Tantaly also makes a doll called the Mark Pro, which comes with three differently-sized removable silicone penises (!!!), making it not only more hygienic but also more versatile. The jump in price between the Mark and Mark Pro is $90 USD, which buys you three nice silicone dildos and some peace of mind, at the very least, so I’d say it’s worth it!
Regarding my own doll’s all-TPE genitals, though, one upside is that his balls look and feel very realistic, in a way that I found hot and weirdly transfixing… probably because I have often been wary of hurting partners’ balls if I touch them too zealously, so it was a fun novelty to be able to slap some balls around without fear of causing pain or permanent damage.
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
Was it good for you?
“Cowgirl” position (i.e. me on top) was the only one that seemed practical for my purposes. Mark is too heavy for me to comfortably place him on top of me in a missionary-style position, I’m not flexible enough for many other positions, and the very idea of backing up onto a doll’s dick in doggie-style is giving me pre-emptive thigh cramps just thinking about it.
Cowgirl isn’t a position I tend to favor in my sex life, because I lack the strength in my knees and hips to really accomplish the up-and-down motion that people with penises tend to prefer. But I’m much more able to sustain a smaller range of motion that, were I to do it with a human, would probably be more for my own pleasure than theirs, rubbing the head of their dick back and forth over my A-spot in short strokes and maybe grinding my clit against their pubic bone at the same time. Naturally, though, with a sex doll I was able to fully prioritize my own pleasure without having to consider what might feel best for someone else, and it was fun to experiment with different ways to ride a cock. (If PETA wants to update the “ways to skin a cat” idiom, I nominate that as a contender.)
Although it was fun to center my own pleasure in the way I rode the insensate Mark, my arousal only really kicked into gear once I started imagining he could feel pleasure, could experience desire and arousal and frenzied lust. I fantasized that the doll awoke into sentience (let’s disregard its horrifying headlessness for the purposes of this scenario) and discovered, to its surprise, that a cute gal (hi) was riding its dick, and that this was intensely pleasurable. I’ve employed similar fantasies in toy-testing sessions before, usually imagining that a dildo I’m testing has become sentient and sensate – but Mark’s humanoid torso added significantly to this fantasy for me. It was like an adult version of Pinocchio’s “I’m a real boy” moment… Peen-occhio? Is that anything?
Ultimately though, I was not able to reach orgasm with Mark, even when I used an ol’ faithful clit vibe while riding him. His dick just didn’t feel hard enough to contribute meaningfully to my pleasure – which annoyed me, because you literally had one job, dude. If Mark was a Ken doll, his job would be dick. But I’m not sure he’s a great fit for the position.
Nonetheless: Man oh man, I had so much fun testing out the Tantaly Mark. It’s definitely the most humanoid product I’ve ever reviewed in my 13+ years in this industry, and it was fascinating to observe how that affected my arousal, my fantasies, and even the way I addressed the doll in my own mind (he/it pronouns, baybee!).
I think a lot of people would really enjoy this doll, especially if they plan on making use of his ass in ways that I could not, so as to get their full money’s worth. As for me, call me shallow, but the dick was all I cared about – and it just wasn’t firm enough to give me the ramming I wanted, plus it’s made of a porous material. [sad trombone]
The Mark Pro is a really cool product, though, because it’s Mark with a dick you can detach and sanitize as needed. I haven’t felt its dick(s) myself, so I don’t know how the firmness compares to the TPE version – but if it was firmer, I think I’d have a much easier time coming all over it. And just think: If I found myself saying “Sorry” and “Excuse me” while just moving him around, I wonder what I’d say to him in the throes of an orgasm…
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
When mega-popular sex toy company Lovense asked me to review their Ferri panty vibe recently, I thought, Wait… Haven’t I already reviewed that?! – but apparently I have not! I have written about it countless times for various publications, though, because I’ve adored it for years – so I was glad to have the opportunity to tell you about it in more detail here!
Spoiler alert: this is one of those very rare reviews where I have almost nothing negative to say at all about the product. As they say in showbiz: “No notes!”
Gratuitous underwear pics for some reason; you’re welcome
Ever wanted to use a vibrator secretly in public, while someone else controls it from their phone? I certainly have! Many sex toy companies have attempted to make a hands-free vibrator for this type of use-case. This is perhaps one of the most difficult types of vibrators to design and engineer (at least, that would be my educated guess as a critic-but-not-maker of sex toys), because they have to be comfortable, stable once situated, quiet, and easy to control surreptitiously (usually via a smartphone app or an included remote) – not to mention, powerful and pleasurable!
Some of these toys require some degree of penetration, like We-Vibe-style toys or Lovense’s own Lush. Personally, I tend to prefer an option that’s all external and doesn’t require any penetration – not only because clitoral stimulation is what gives me most of my pleasure anyway, but also because my vag will eventually start to get sore if I keep something inside there while I’m sitting, walking around, etc. for hours on end, even if I slip away to a bathroom to re-lube periodically.
The Ferri solves this problem neatly. It’s a small vibrator that you tuck into your panties (or any other close-fitting style of underwear); it’s contoured to cup the vulva beautifully, curving along the mons and onto the clit. (Folks with penises seeking a vibe for hands-free use might consider the Gush.) Most cleverly, a separate magnet comes with the Ferri, which you can affix to the outside of your underwear, holding the vibe in place. You can then control the vibe via Bluetooth using the Lovense app (available for iOS, Android, Mac, and PC). While the Ferri obviously doesn’t have to be used in public, that is where it shines, and where the cleverness of its many features becomes most evident. Let’s talk about ’em…
The Lovense app is just so fucking cool, and so well-designed. I praise it every time I review a Lovense toy, because it really is that good – and it’s the reason I always recommend Lovense products when people ask me about long-distance sex toys. In the app, you can use sliders to precisely control your vibe yourself, or invite someone else to control it from near or far; you can craft your own vibration patterns, loop them, or try out patterns that other people have designed; you can make your vibe vary based on the music/sound levels in the room you’re in, or respond in real-time to interactive videos or video games; you can even set an alarm and get woken up by vibration. Other companies have attempted to do what Lovense is doing, but none so effectively (at least none that I’ve tried), not only because their app is so robustly designed but also because their toys’ connectivity is way more consistent than that of other brands.
The vibrations are sufficiently rumbly, with a wide range of intensities that get plenty strong enough for me on the high end. In my view, a vibrator has to be rumbly to be successful in a public teasing scene, because you’re typically going to keep the vibrator in exactly the same spot for several minutes at a time, and buzzier vibrations would just numb you out – whereas rumbly ones continue to feel pleasurable for way longer. I think I could actually get off with this vibe in public, if not for my pesky social anxiety – but I can definitely get off with it in private, especially with the addition of some kind of rhythm or pressure from squeezing my thighs together (or having someone grind their thigh against my vulva…).
The Ferri is shaped excellently to target my clit, and I imagine many other people’s clits as well. Its gentle curve presses into my clit easily, and its ribbed texture gives me something to grind against if I rock back and forth slightly in my seat (water-based or oil-based lube makes this more pleasurable).
The magnet is really, really strong, so the vibe stays affixed to my underwear even as I walk around. On the rare occasions when it loses contact with my clit, it’s always because my underwear itself has shifted, not because the vibe has – and it’s easy to surreptitiously nudge it back into place under the table if I’m sitting at a restaurant or bar.
While I wouldn’t call it silent by any means, the Ferri is a pretty quiet vibrator, and it likely wouldn’t be audible at all in a noisy public environment like a bar or club. Just be careful when you sit down on a hard surface, like a metal chair or wooden barstool; the vibe might clatter against it, depending on how you’re sitting.
The Ferri lasts an impressive 3 hours and 15 minutes on an hour-long charge. On standby mode (i.e. connected to your phone via Bluetooth, but not vibrating yet), the Ferri can last up to 100 hours. I particularly appreciate long battery lives and short charging times when it comes to public-play toys, because you might impulsively decide to grab one as you dash out the door for a dinner date, and it sucks to discover that it’s dead. Even if it is dead, you can plug it in for a few minutes while you brush your teeth, get dressed, etc. and it’ll have enough juice for an evening tryst by the time you’re ready to go.
It’s waterproof, which makes it super easy to clean… and also means that you can keep on vibin’ even if you get caught in a torrential downpour on your way home from dinner. Alleyway makeout in the rain while a vibe pulses in your panties, anyone?
The only complaint I have about this toy is that the Lovense app randomly logs me out of my account more often than I’d prefer (maybe like once every 2-3 months), which sometimes leads to an annoying horny scramble to find my login information when I really just want to get off (or let someone else get me off). Not sure what causes this, but even my app-developer wife gets annoyed by it, so it’s gotta be fixable, right?!
Final thoughts
A while ago, a friend texted me asking for sex toy advice. He wanted to buy his partner a panty vibe, had a few options in mind, and wanted my opinion on which was best. Without hesitation, I said, “Just get the Lovense Ferri.”
I really do think it’s the best panty vibe on the market right now, and I say that as someone who used to be a hater about the entire panty-vibe genre. This vibe actually gets it right, and has shown me that surreptitious public scenes can be fun, hot, and easy – rather than being a technological nightmare where you lose your boner from frustration after the third time you have to reconnect the Bluetooth!
It’s not often that I feel like doing a scene in public, but when I do, I tend to reach for either one of my Njoy Pure Plugs, an Uberrime vaginal plug, or the Lovense Ferri. They never let me down!
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
